Looking backwards to look forwards

10 Jan



Ladles and ‘spoons, [1]


How’s it all going? Good? Bad? Actually not that great, now you come to mention it? Yeah. I hear you. Well, happy 2013, all. Feels weird, that. 2013. In my head, I couldn’t see past 2012. So many big things were happening in 2012 that I didn’t really believe life could exist afterwards. And I’m not talking about the Mayan Apocalypse.


Last New Year, I cried when it struck midnight because I was so terrified of graduating and leaving a nice, cosy cycle of education, exams, reward and then on to the next part. I didn’t know what I was going to do when I had finished uni and I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to get there simply by achieving a certain mark. Various big things were happening around me, too, like weddings and graduations and so on – signs of other people getting on with their lives while mine stayed in the same place, in the same time. The chiming of Big Ben on 1st January 2012 was the moment I realised I was a fly and the puddle I had flown into was amber. It was pretty scary.


2012 was a pretty tough year for me but I got through it. Now I’m filled with a sort of weird nervous energy whenever I remember it’s 2013. If my year is exemplified by what happens on my new year’s eve, then it’s reassuring to recall that I was surrounded by friends old and new in Paris, pleasantly tipsy, moderately underdressed, with large hair and statement eyeliner. A far cry from pyjamas and a woolly jumper on my parent’s sofa. I don’t normally make resolutions (I prefer to think about how I’m going to be a better person at the Jewish New Year, when I have time to think about how bad a person I’ve been as well – although see my post ‘Honey’ for the problems with this…). This year, however, I’ve got a whole bunch of them – quite broad ones, yes, but also quite manageable, I think.


So – 2013. I’m going to read more books and watch more films and generally become more au-fait with popular literary and film culture. I’m going to listen to more music (frankly a 22 yr old should have more music than can comfortably fit onto an 8GB iPod). I’m going to learn to Charleston (and other kinds of ballroom dance). And at some point this year, I am going to open that bottle of Bollinger I got as a 21st birthday gift, which I have been saving for a significant and noteworthy moment of achievement. And finally, I am going to do things because I want to do them, and not because I feel I owe it to someone else to do them.


What about you?

[1] That’s short for ‘gentlespoons’, obviously. Know your kitchen etiquette.


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